 |
| Photo: Sonisa Noun |
When was the last time you got stuck in bed reading a novel only by yourself, or decided to cross the street alone, enter a restaurant and order whatever the menu caught your eyes, without feeling like decomposing? If that was recently, high-five.
Most
people have claimed to have suffered from loneliness at some point.
In
fact, being alone and loneliness are different. Being alone is a state
of being; loneliness is a state of mind. According to
Elizabeth Bernstein’s Wall Street Journal piece, Alone or Lonely, the
rate of loneliness in the U.S. has doubled over the past thirty years.
About 40% of Americans report being lonely; in the 1980s, it was 20%.
(One reason: more people live alone: 27% in 2012; 17% in 1970).
That is what the research says. However, I believe people feel differently toward loneliness.
Personally,
I don't feel sorry for myself when I face loneliness. As an introvert
myself, I know that my personality trait does involve a bit with my love
of individuality and being alone. But that doesn't make me a loner or
desperate for social connection. It actually makes me more connected to myself and willing to find out how I feel that way. I
began to understand that I enjoy my own company solely, much more than
running after people, experiences and answers to questions I did not
know I was asking.
Growing
up in emotionally distanced household with a father who is always
occupied with work far from home, everyone seems to have that slight
awkwardness toward each other even though we have been living our whole
lives together. I didn't grow up seeing extroverted people around me and
I wasn't taught to speak up my mind. That made me fall easily into a
shy and quiet type and obviously, there are numerous of times that I
feel so left out and lonely. But as I age, I came to a realization that I
do not dislike it. The way I have been raised now makes me proud that
I'm used to loneliness.
Most
of the times you have your friends, or your parents, and going solo
often makes you feel trapped or misunderstood. Sometimes you envy those
who have a shoulder to lay on at night. But sometimes you just prefer
dinner alone. And sometimes you realize that by being lonely you forget
basic things, like watching movies with your friends, texting people
that you miss them or saying goodbye to friends. But that’s the only
mishap I can think about. Otherwise
you can do anything really by yourself. For example, instead of
worrying whether people will join you to the movie or concert, you're
perfectly okay and secretly wish they wouldn't join so that you could
just enjoy your own company.
So to embrace loneliness, I treat loneliness and being alone as one
thing. I do not differentiate between being alone and being lonely. I
learn to enjoy every minute of being alone. That is how I can't really
distinguish whether I feel lonely or not. Some of us are perfectly okay
with our loneliness. We feed on it, and it gives us time with
ourselves. I’m not saying it’s for everyone but it feels damn good to
be at peace like that. And you know what? It’s perfectly healthy and
nice.
Being alone is an art, embrace it and don't let loneliness consume you.
No comments :
Post a Comment